… wardrobe favourite returns after lengthy banishment to attic storage space

Now that its owner lost a considerable amount of weight, a long-time favourite skirt has been allowed to return to the wardrobe after years of banishment to the attic. The skirt had a lengthy and loyal service record ever since it was purchased ten years ago. Imagine its shock and surprise when it was unceremoniously stuck into a dark drawer of a closet in the attic. “For years, I gave and I gave, even when I had no more room to give,” the skirt, who goes by the name Blue Zebra Skirt, remarks. Indeed, where the wrap skirt was once the proud wearer of two buttons, it now features a safety pin.

A spokeswoman for the wardrobe says the banishment was for Blue Zebra Skirt’s own good. “Many items of clothing have been ruthlessly put in the charity bin in the past couple of years,” she says. “Seeing them everyday, knowing she was too fat to wear them, was really painful for the wardrobe’s owner. It was precisely because she loves and respects blue zebra skirt so much that she decided on banning rather than binning it.”

Although the name of the wardrobe’s owner is not revealed, many rumour it to be Lydia, who is not just Fat ‘in the Head’ and infamously does not wear pants. She was once overheard saying “Pants I like, don’t fit me. Pants that fit me, I don’t like. So skirts and dresses it is.” Supposedly, one key factor in this decision was the built-in quality of skirts to move up or down the waist as one gains or loses weight.

Not that it helped Blue Zebra Skirt, who in our interview was still shaking its head. “A safety pin…” But ultimately, the skirt’s face lit up: “You know, I got two compliments from strangers yesterday!” That’s right folks, Blue Zebra Skirt still got it.